When I was in my first job out of college, my boss told me that he and his wife had started trying to have a baby. They were successful on their first month of trying and I remember him being a little disappointed because he was going to use the time of trying to conceive as a motivator for getting in shape, eating healthy, etc. I remember thinking how different the mindset was for a man than a woman. For women, the downside weighs on us much more heavily- inability to conceive, fear of loss, giving up control of your body and lifestyle. For men, the most frequently hard complaint is about having to perform on demand. But, without that “performance”…natural conception is tricky…so we’re going to talk about some ways to make it more fun 🙂
Now, before we get to the fun stuff, there are a few TTC basics to get out of the way:
1- Do your research
Many women think that having sex on the day of or the day after ovulation is what they need to do. But, that’s actually backwards. Your most fertile time is 1-2 days before ovulation so that the sperm have time to swim up and be waiting to grab that egg right as it’s released from the ovary. There are all kinds of tools like ovulation prediction strips, charting, etc that you can do to figure out your window.
2- Get on a semi-regular schedule
This goes along with research but, basically, if you had sex every other day for the entire month, you’re guaranteed not to miss your window. That’s an awful lot of sex for most couples, though, so maybe just focus on the one key week (usually days 10-17 of your cycle).
3- Don’t make it obvious
You may be in a relationship where talking about fertile windows and when to get down to business isn’t a mood-killer…but for many guys, they just don’t want to know. They’re going to be aware that you’re likely thinking about babymaking but sending the a text like “you need to be home now to do this” isn’t likely to help the cause a whole lot.
4- Use the right lube
Many lubricants are either too thick to allow the sperm to pass through easily or too acidic (pH below 7) and can kill sperm. Be sure you are using a conception-friendly lube or one that mimics the pH of the vagina. PreSeed (available on Amazon) is one of our faves.
Now, to the fun stuff!
1- Try new things
Much like my former boss, use this as a time to banish the routine. Don’t be focused on “getting it done”…but rather take some time to think about a way to make it new without making it overly complicated. Maybe it’s suggesting you give the new couch a spin. Or meet for a lunchtime quickie.
2- Up your talking game
Men really like anticipation. They also really like an engaged partner. If you’re normally shy, now is the time to stretch yourself. Figure out a few dirty phrases you can leave on a note or naughty text to your partner that morning explaining what you want him to do to you (or do to him) later. We guarantee he will be really ready when it’s go-time.
3- Bring in some toys
Many men aren’t able to finish until they know their partners are satisfied. But, when trying to conceive, many women are so focused on the outcome that they can’t relax enough to reach orgasm. Now is the time to bring in some firepower to either use during the action or to assure him he can finish you off after his work is done. Everybody wins J
Of course, there are TONS of other fun ideas for complete date nights with lingerie, toys and scenarios just waiting for you. If you’re not up for planning them out on your own, give the Trying to Conceive boxes in our Pregnancy Journey series a peek or, frankly, grab any of our boxes as they will all get you to the desired outcome. The Intro Box is a great one that can be played out multiple times – great value for the TTC stretch 🙂